I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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