i think i have two assholes
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
