Cold hands, warm shart.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
