He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
