You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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