I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Too much gin, very little bucket
he was CRYING into my vagina
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
