Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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