Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
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Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
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It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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