No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
