I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
