I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
