I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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