I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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