Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
is wine microwaveable?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize