The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
