It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
