im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
