Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Randomize
