i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
