I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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