after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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