Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
