As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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