Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
