College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
