Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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