Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We have started to decorate penises.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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