I will die if light touches me.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
