I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize