i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
