I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
