Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize