need another drink. this is the easiest way
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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