Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
