did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
