I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
