Four minutes until I can fart!
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
