I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
