I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize