I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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