the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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