I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
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Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
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No...this little piggys going to the bar
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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