I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
