So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Randomize
