...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
