well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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