i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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