i don't like sucking hair
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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