hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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