I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you win again, gameday.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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