peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
