lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize