i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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