I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
