tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
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I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
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You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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