Your tits are I can't wait for
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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