I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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