My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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