the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
