She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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