He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
