First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
