Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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