I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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