He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Found your dick twin last night
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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