I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
