haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
