so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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