my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
