i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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