a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
