Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
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Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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