God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
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fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
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I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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