How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
