You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
