Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
